A blog written after 48 hours of having a stomach flu.
Published on December 26, 2006 By Dan Kaschel In Health & Medicine
I hadn’t eaten in forty-eight hours. Weak with hunger, I hobbled to the kitchen, clutching a can of tomato soup in a death-grip. My vision warped the house into a nightmarish twilight zone of twisted architecture and impossible angles, but I ignored it all in the bee-line for the microwave.

The can had a pull-top lid, but I didn’t have the energy to be grateful. I wrenched it off with all the precision my apathetic muscles could provide and poured it into a bowl. A bowl. Where did the bowl come from? Did I…

Cans of tomato soup are surprisingly heavy, as are bowls. I tried to open the microwave with the bowl in one hand, but found that both hands were attempting two-handed activities. I set the bowl down with minimal spillage, and opted to open the microwave first.

Darn thing wouldn’t stay open. By the time I had lifted the bowl, it was resting against the latch. I put down the bowl, opened the door again, and tried to lift the bowl faster. No good. A mutiny in my head began: how bad can cold tomato soup be?

Finally, I lifted the bowl, and used the pinky of my left hand to open the microwave door. A few seconds later…it was in. I heaved a shallow sigh of relief. I even had the foresight to cover it with a paper towel.

To a person without accurate perception of time, three minutes is a virtual eternity. Too exhausted to stand, I slumped to the floor and stared, open-eyed like an owl, as the seconds ticked down.

The dog walked through the room to some other place in the house. Some time later, the dog came back through the room. Somebody came into the kitchen and made a cup of coffee. And waffles. Rome was built. Whatever.

It was finally done. I struggled to my feet, using first the counter and then the microwave door for assistance. I opened the door, and behold: there was my hot tomato soup! I attempted to rush it to the table, but only succeeded in tripping and nearly losing the fruit of all my effort (and only now do I see the pun… fruit… tomato…). I grabbed a spoon and an entire bag of bread, then sat down. I painstakingly removed the twist-tie from the bag of bread (per usual, I twisted the wrong way first) and took a slice.

I surveyed my kingly spread. It was time to dine. I dipped my spoon into the bowl and raised it to my mouth. And…it was awful. I had never had tomato soup before, but who would have known that such a ubiquitous side-dish could be so foul-tasting? Determined not to be too hasty, I tried dipping the bread, only to find that I had not procured normal bread, but “garlic asiago bread,” which is every bit as revolting as it sounds.

I stormed angrily to the sink where I dumped (nearly) a full can of tomato soup down the drain. The bread was tossed into the trash. Curses. Lacking the initiative to make anything else, I stormed to the computer. To write this.

on Dec 26, 2006
Tomato soup isn't bad, if you season it a little. I usually add a dash of black and/or red pepper and some garlic and some parsley, stir and eat. But of course you're pretty sick, so you don't have time for all that. I hope you feel better soon and get some chicken soup next time.
on Dec 26, 2006
dude, garlic asiago bread is yum! Maybe you were too sick to enjoy it. Then again, I have had some nasty versions via supermarket bread brands. Fresh bakery is the only way to go.
on Dec 26, 2006
sounds like yer having the day from heck.. go back to bed ,sleep and try again.

>>mm aka elie
on Dec 26, 2006

Glad you are regaining your strength!  And sense of humor!  And in contrast to Forever, yes Tomato soup is that bad!  Good for you.

(for the record, I love tomatoes, tomato paste, ketchup and all things tomato - except soup!)

on Dec 26, 2006
Tomato soup can be quite tasty if you add some seasoning to it or just buy spicy beef and tomato - yummy.

I hope you feel better soon

on Dec 26, 2006
"garlic asiago bread is yum! "

I couldn't tell you why, but I really want a t-shirt with that on it.

"for the record, I love tomatoes, tomato paste, ketchup and all things tomato - except soup!"

It's interesting to hear that. I've considered going on record as a world-champion ketchup-eater; I'm the one that has this conversation with the BK drive-through attendant:

Speaker: How can I help you?
Me: Medium fry, extra ketchup.
Speaker: Thank you. Anything else with that?
Me: Yes, extra ketchup.
Speaker: Medium fry, extra ketchup. Thank you for your order. Anything else with that?
Me: Please. Extra ketchup.
Speaker: ....that will be one dollar. Please pay at the second window.
Me: Oh, one more thing. Can I get extra ketchup with that?

Anyhow, it surprised me that I didn't like tomato soup. I suppose it was a valuable lesson learned. Thanks for all the encouraging words, JU. Take care, and happy holidays,


on Dec 26, 2006

I'm the one that has this conversation with the BK drive-through attendant:

I wish I was there!

on Jan 03, 2007

what about:


"No, two packets will NOT be enough" to those stingy bastards.