(Got to do with, got to do with it, babe?)
Published on April 24, 2007 By Dan Kaschel In Life
Like any young philosophy buff, I've been confecting definitions of "love" since I was twelve. I've run the gamut of cliché pedantry and have even landed myself in the unenviable position of feeling enlightened by those arrogant tidbits of sophistry that masquerade oversimplification as epiphany. “Love is a verb,” I read; “Love is an action.”

A couple years later, I label that idea twenty-five percent correct. Sure, love is an action; but it’s more than that. It’s a lifestyle. Love isn’t expressed by certain actions which are characteristic of love, but it can be expressed by characterizing every action by that love. And also: love is a noun. The fact of human action does not negate human existence; and likewise love cannot be fully articulated by action; if it could, then love could not be rekindled.

The concept of love as an entity is the root of my current beliefs about love. All humans are unique, and all loves are similarly unique. This philosophy explains the difficulties encountered when lovers attempt to define a relationship. As Christina says in Grey’s Anatomy (no comments, please): “You need a definition? You want to be that guy?”

I have all sorts of branching philosophies, but that’s not really why I’m writing. I actually wanted to take this opportunity to describe love in the only way that entities can be described: by exploring my relationship to it. “I love her” means:

She is my constant joy; in the best of times, she is my greatest happiness, and in the worst of times, my greatest sorrow. I am willing to defy the critics who say, “Diversify your portfolio!” and invest all that I have in her. I am willing to perceive her needs and search within me for the means to respond to them. I am willing to assert my needs despite discomfort to avoid bitterness.

I am determined that our relationship never become collateral damage, sacrificed to avoid pain. I am determined to withhold nothing from her, confident in the unity of our beliefs and the singularity of our purpose. I am determined that my every action be honoring to her. I am determined to be merciful and graceful toward her to the degree that I wish her to be merciful and graceful toward me.

I desire to experience life by her side, receiving each new day as a gift from God and benefiting from her strength and counsel. I desire to possess by assent that which is beyond my ability to tame, and in doing so willingly bind myself to her service. I desire to expend upon that which will yield return, for I know when I am with her not a moment is wasted.

Whether I am excited or ashamed; angry or despondent, hopeful or stricken, it is she I want to talk to. I am convinced of her value and of my own ability to respect and nurture it. I am certain she is for me, and that I am for her; and the fact of her existence is a constant reassurance in an uncertain world.

on Apr 24, 2007
Very enlightening, and I must say that I agree.

on Apr 24, 2007
I hope it pans out for you.  Never stop seeking the perfection of love.
on Apr 24, 2007
Thanks for the encouragement. Confessions of love are heady stuff.

on Apr 26, 2007
I would say that confessions of love are hearty stuff. You used to be more heady, and I would not go so far as to say that you no longer are, but this is a very warm and hearty movement in your view of love.

It certainly brought a tear to my eye.

on Jan 02, 2008
i have great love for the man in my life and would even be prepared to die for him. i remember telling him i always longed for the kind of love you see in the movies but had given up and thought it not real and imposible to ever wish for such love, until i met him, i also beleived that he felt the same way about me. he made me feel special and loved so much. but now things have changed and i don't think he loves me any more or not like he did anyway. i feel so lonely and desparate i have tried everything to make him want me and love me in the same way again but all we do when i bring it up is argue. i don't know what to do any more. i dont want to live like this it is killing me from the inside my heart is breaking. i feel like i give and give but get nothing back and im giving up trying now, he says he still loves me but only when i ask! he says he doesn't want us to break up. but deep down i dont beleive him any more i know if i kicked him out he would go and wouldnt fight for me. i feel like he couldn't care less if we were together or not. but he still gets jealous its like he doesn't want me but he doesn't want any one else to want me either. i don't know what to do. all i have ever wanted is to be loved like i am the only woman in the world for him but maybe this is too much to ask. i can't go on like this but i don't think i can leave him either. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!X
on Jan 02, 2008

I'm not sure if you're reading this, but if you are... if verbal communication isn't working, I would suggest writing a letter. Tell him that, whether he loves you or not, it is vital to your sense of wellbeing to FEEL loved. Tell him specifically what you need--for example, I need to be encouraged frequently by being told I am loved and appreciated; I need you to do things for me, little things that let me know you love me; I need to be touched, to feel beautiful and wanted; I need you to make it a priority to spend quality time with me--and if he is unwilling to do those things... I'm sorry, but it's over. Chances are the things you do because you are lonely and desperate are driving him away. To have a chance at getting him back, you need to remember your own worth, and be willing to let him walk away.

I hope it works out for you. I know how hard that can be.

on Jan 03, 2008
Dear Dan

thanks for your advice i have listened to what you say and i will take your advice and write that letter now. i have told him if he was to walk away that i wouldn't stop him already, and i wouldn't now! i will let you know what happens thanks for replying it's true what they say about it being good to talk its just hard when there is know one to talk too.
thanks x
on May 10, 2013

whenever I forget why I love you so, I come back to Joeuser.  And the old feeling is instant after  just a few sentences.   


Flattery aside, you are an  extraordinary man.